and you don’t see me taking a bath

So Jodie, Starr Ann and I went out to this bar called Anytimes to play pool a few nights ago. You know how when it isn’t your turn to shoot you start paying attention to what’s going on at the other tables? Well, at the table next to us, this woman was playing rings around this real cute guy. She had him behind the eight ball most of the time, but they seemed to be having a real good time. Too bad the manager had to all of a sudden get suspicious about the cute guy’s age and toss him out.

Yep. You can see that whole part of the story here.

Anyway, at first the little guy seemed kinda pathetic just hanging around outside the entrance.

We were feeling real bad for him. Until we spotted him scopin’ out a way to sneak back in.

He lurked there near what he later referred to as a “security weakness” until nobody was looking, and then he booked so fast his hoodie blew back.

Well, everybody knows how much Starr Ann admires a stealthy move that’s not meant to hurt anybody. You should have seen that girl’s face! Her eyes got all wide and she touched Jodie’s arm, saying, “Can you and Margo hang together the rest of the night? I know a kindred spirit when I see one.”

Turns out his name is Muffin, Cross-Dressin’ Bear O’Mystery. We partied with Muffin until he’d played every song that old jukebox had.

He came home with us and got naked.

After his bath, Muffin was still full of energy and said since it was starting to get light out, we might as well stay up and show him some more Louisville sights, like Churchill Downs.

Jodie warned him Churchill Downs was closed this time of year, but he and Starr Ann gave each other that one look, the one that says ‘closed’ is a matter of perception.
After checking for what he called “fence weaknesses,”

Muffin finally had to admit that Churchill Downs has locks coming out the wahzoo.

Right when they were about to give up, Muffin and Starr Ann spotted it at the same time – a fence weakness big enough to trot a cross dressin’ bear o’mystery through. It was just a matter of popping in…

getting a running start…

scaling one curb…

and voilà! Muffin’s on the racetrack.

And in the stable area.

And goofin’ around over by the jock’s room.

When it finally came time to head for home, Muffin found out breaking out can be as hard as breaking in.

Th’morn after th’tremendous day with th’Trio o’Tricky Cowgirls, Muffin awoke with th’strange feelin’ that he be in a tight spot…

Sure enough, he was.

After successfully pulling off another Fantastic International Cross-dressing Bear o’Mystery Escape

Muffin made his way back to th’Ohio River t’contemplate his options

He quickly decided staying on th’bridge hundreds o’feet above th’rushing current wasn’t one o’them

Spyin’ a winsome lass with a backpack joggin’ near him, he did what any self-respectin’ ICBo’M would do, he hitchhiked (aye, she forgot t’tell him she was into bondage, but it got him a ride off th’bridge)

She dropped him off at th’Frazier International History Museum
where a kindly guard gave him a piggy (bear) back ride inside

Muffin was plumb worn-out after th’fantastic frolic with th’HH Ranch Hands th’day afore…he leaned back

in a quiet room an’ fell asleep

In a strange twist o’steampunkry, Muffin seemed t’have entered a timewormholewarpythingie, for suddenly he awoke t’bein’ chased by knights an’ men with pointy weapons at th’Battle o’Hastings

Luckily — as he ran through a passing piratical vessel,
th’crew grabbed him an’ shoved him

into th’mouth o’ a cannon an’ he escaped bein’ served as Roulade a la Muffin t’ th’King. Unfortunately, th’cannon accidentally fired…

Muffin shot across th’museum, hit th’joustin’ field wall, caught his Cross-Dress on a nail

an’ lost th’last o’his dignity. However, Muffin bein’ th’Suave Debonair Bear that he be

managed t’convince every one that he was modelin’ for SBQ (Suave Bear Quarterly). After th’crowd dispersed (nothin’ t’be seein’ here)– Muffin grabbed his togs an’ ran towards th’exit. However…he found himself caught in another timewormholewarpythingie

an’ landed in Kentucky at th’turn o’ th’Century (not this one – th’last one)

where there were fuzzy men lookin’ for rabbit for supper

Muffin grabbed a disguise off th’nearest town-drunk an’ made a break for it

Only t’be stopped by a kindly school marm, who wanted t’know iffin he wanted t’go see

ANNIE OAKLEY! He did…

Annie found him quite th’passin’ fancy an’ offered t’let him be her newest Target-Boy (she went
through ‘em awful fast, y’know)

Hoping upon Hope that th’security breach would bring th’guards

It did! An’ Muffin, International Cross-Dressin’ Bear o’Mystery was summarily booted out o’ th’Frazier

He high-tailed it back t’ th’pool-hall

an’ drank Pyrat XO Reserve with Icam, his ICBo’M Back-up, th’rest o’ th’night